2013-02-09 06.59.28

Been thinking about singleness.

The thought triggered as I trimmed my hair this evening…
(How come I keep finding myself trimming my hair at 11pm?)

It went like this (and this indeed sounds crazy)

“If I had a ‘special someone’ then they would be able to check the back of my hair
To let me know if I’ve missed a bit.”

You see, there are some bits that you can’t see yourself.
Even with the help of an iPhone camera.

Perhaps the problem itself is that I’m a 35 year old man
who cuts his own hair at 11pm in his bathroom.

My friends, who have it all together, who have this relationships thing sorted out, who are all grown up, don’t do this, do they?

So what do I make of the fact that I am a 35 year old single man?

A well-intentioned friend encouraged me recently that church leaders really ought to be married.
That somehow that step is essential.

I’ve always tried to have a ‘content rather than contempt’ approach to my singleness.
I don’t want to be that ‘desperate single guy’. Arwkard. Difficult. Doesn’t fit.

So why am I single?

I dunno.

Perhaps I am broken
too closed.

Perhaps I missed the class as a teenager
where they told me what to do.
Others just seem to get it.

Perhaps it’s my fault.

Perhaps this is just the will of God.

Perhaps I need to try harder.

In the meantime I continue to be content.
I cling to my contentedness.
And to trust.
And to hope.
And to not worry.

I’m sure the hair at the back isn’t too bad…

2 thoughts on “Singleness

  1. Hey bro,
    Sorry I meant to reply to this ages ago when I first read it.
    Can I just say that I have amazing respect for you, as you are now, and would never ever classify you as any of the terms you listed above (broken, unlovable, difficult, immature, too closed). Well, maybe a little bit immature every now and again, but I really rate that as a quality, and would definitely be calling a kettle black. Ha.
    I can also say that I have always enjoyed your company, both in my singleness, and more recently in my togetherness.
    The myth out there that people are incomplete when single, and made whole when together with someone else, is not only a crock of *%&$, but also responsible for a whole lot of people in unhappy and damaging relationships.
    Unfortunately I have no meaningful advice for you, but hope you take this encouragement in the manner it’s intended. I love and respect you as a christian brother, and wish all the contentedness in the world (whether that involves another or not).

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