Been trawling through Geoff Bullock’s website and blog today. I love his thoughts and reflections.
This article fills in his post-Hillsong a little and has some big comments.
“And that is what it was like. I just always thought I was failing. There was this longstanding frustration that I could never be the person that I felt that people needed me to be, that I needed me to be in that place.
“People have said that Hillsong 95 was my highest moment – the heights from which I fell. Yet if someone asked me what was the worst experience of my whole ministry career it would be Hillsong 95, because I felt so out of my depth.
“I kept thinking, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing here, I’m unable to be the person that I need to be’. I just can’t be Mr Charisma and Mr Excited. That’s not me. I’m a quiet, introspective, melancholic type of guy. I struggled throughout the week trying to lead the worship, but feeling very much that I was failing. I really fell apart emotionally within a month of the conference ending.
“My face was on all the posters, I was writing songs which everyone was singing, but inside I was asking myself ‘Why am I always struggling? Why can’t I just rise up in faith and be the man of God that everybody else says I should be, that this movement says I should be?'”
And then later on…
“Now we can have excellent art, because art is communication, and the best art is when you paint such a clear picture that people see beyond your words – the vessels of your communication – and actually see what you were looking at. That’s especially important for us if we’re trying to show them Jesus.
“So if you want to have a Christian arts group and do performances – seek excellence. But if you want to talk about worship, then you’ve got to come back to brokenness and the good news and the bad news.
“The news about God is better than we could have ever dreamed, and the news about man is worse than we ever allow ourselves to realise. The only thing we have is grace, and grace is available for us all.
“When we understand that, then worship is our response. The good news is too good to be true. It’s like winning the lottery when you didn’t even buy a ticket. Our worship should be a response to that.”